I really don't know how to put this.. But I'm sure others have went through this but.. Ever get the feeling like your just left out?...

Lately.. as you all know, I have little friends which is great and I apretiate that I have any friends.. A little is just enough for me and I don't want a flooding of them.. But these friends I have been friends with them for years.. I'm not going to say names.. Because I have respect for their privacy. But.. What most of these friends have done to me lately.. Even.. someone closer to me then a friend.. has been just leaving me out of their lives a bit. I never get invited to RP's or hang outs I never get dragged around like i used to so I can go hang out or RP or join a pack or something.. Just whatever.. As long as they get to hang out with their friend. If my friends want to hang out with me Why don't they ever invite me? I'm not going to cause drama or anything I always love to have fun and do what ever is available to me. IT's RP right? It's a game right? O'l pals to hang out and have a nice ball?

Even someone soo close to me far close to me then anyone else in this world.. is not even inviting me into their lives yet say they do.. I never get invited.. They say..

Oh Brick we missed you we really did.. WE all miss you.. They come and talk to me for a little bit and be like "Oh we missed you buddy whats up?" But you know only like three people ever bother to talk to me but even then they don't invite me to any activities. I am always alone on this computer waiting for something to happen.. I've been trying to get my pack going again on Regen to get some RP into the pack so people can just have fun especially any of my friends that wish to join me and just RP with me.. I don't care what it is.. I just want to be with my friends.. but ever since I came back.. No one even bothers to invite me to do anything with them and the very few that talk to me all they say is .. "whats up?" ... Gee.. I don't know I'm bored out of my mind and i hear things in the last minute about one of my friends inviting people To RP or do things with them and never even think of me..

Now I'm not saying I am the only one that goes through something like this but: the Golden question comes to mind "When is enough "Enough" ?

I mean seriously it's getting old for me: I have changed so much, I have grown so much. I have become such a wonderful better person at least to most of what my friends have viewed me as.. I'm not some kind of boring Twat or something.

I can make people laugh and still do but... Common.. If my friends are my friends.. Don't you think I would want more then just a "hay wassup?" to happen?

interact with me.. lets play a game Lets Role play lets do more then just talk.. Sure talk for catching up is great and I don't mind it I love it.. I Love to see how my friends are doing but this is starting to turn out to be a very bad King of the Hill episode where all they do is just hardly talk and drink beer in the fucking alleyway.

I'm becoming so sad and depressed over it: it's the same damn thing.. I want to have fun with my friends and I wish I wasn't left out.. I'm always the last to know things from like everyone..

I love you guys very much I do.. .But Common.. I want to do something with you guys.. It's taring me up inside.. I want a real relationship with my friends.. For years I have done inviting.. recruiting RP recruiting into games.. Tribes.. Netstorm.. 360 online gamings... SO MUCH.. Ps2 games for multiplay.. Pack recruiting.. .. But its like it just dies.. If its about wanting something new to do then.. Give me a suggestion.. I am always a good listener... I told my girlfriend that maybe I should just close down Regen.. Where is the action? Obviously I must be old news.. So this old dawg is willing to learn new tricks..

But again that's if they are willing.. and not many are willing..

So seriously.. When you whisper me.. invite me to do something with you if you don't like what i do anymore.. I don't like to lead 24/7 all the time.. I want a active social life with my loved ones.. is that so much to ask..

And if anyone has had an old tiff with me in the past or a grudge.. Let it go.. seriously.. If that's the reason why you used to be a friend or don't talk to me.. Let it go.. water under the bridge right? I'm always willing to make amends.. No one is perfect and we are all human.. We make mistakes.. if I got into an arguement with you.. Just.. leave it buried in the past.. This is a new year and I was expecting something new this year.. .its 2010... Please.. If not.. then .. There's nothing left for me to do here.. I wont bother getting on furcadia anymore.. I can't continue to live a life of loneliness..

I need stimulation.. I miss my old friends.. Many of you.. I miss the connected activities.. I miss the Gold old RP.. I miss so much of it.. I want love and want to give it back..


So next time when you whisper me.. Lets do something together.. Please.. I want to get involved in groups activities.. I don't want to just talk about "Hay hows the weather.." .. .it's soo cliche

A side note: I know I am busy and you guys try to talk to me Why not tell me what you want to do or something lets schedual a nice hang out time where we can RP or do something.. When I am working during the day sure I can talk to you fora bit and catch up with you but when it comes to activity.. I would love to set a time.. to hang out and do something with any of you..

This is your slowly; Spiritually Dying Wolfy... And that's all I have to say about that.

I don't know what is going on.. but.. I am worried for Thallis (Melissa).

her cell phone is turned off; ( Disconnected Terminated) and I can't get ahold of her.. and I don't know what has happened to her the last thing she said to me was that she was "I am fucking leaving!"

But that was it.. I had katie check up on her to see if she was alright but.. I don't know if she is going to stay there at that house or go back to college.. I'm worried.. I don't know whats going to happen.. but my heart keeps giving me daunting feelings. .and I can't even sleep anymore.. I can't eat because im soo worried about her.



her laptop was taken away.. I just figured it out.. she hasn't been online all day.. Jesus christ i'm so fucking scared and worried.. Christ I don't know if she is ok.. Jesus chirist... Christ.. My God..

I had to remove this stuff because if I don't Mel's Laptop goes bibye. So.. Das Lieden Di chiristi.. Belly Du haust... frinlavin, klatu verata Nictu, PM me to find out why. I might be closing down this entire account. .because well.. again.. PM me i will tel you.. So I might have to close my DA, So just incase.. this is goodbye off Deviant art. Also my facebook might be going bye bye too.. Again..I am hiding all my information and I am making a new DA... I will PM you guys for the details if you wish to know.. ... So.. yeah.. But I still think her laptop is still going to be taken away.. I just found a website that one of my friends posted about this stuff on Encylopedia's dramatica and posted shit on certain people.. Not me.. but others. .Not saying any names.. but yeah.. It's really complicated.. I am not giving any indication of what is going on here. .as since I am again under.. God's Eyes?

I'm really upset .. I paid money into this account. and now I have to destroy it all.. I had so much more photography to post up and some artwork.. *sighs*.


I even got a scary fucking email from someone.. in relation to Melissa... I think I might break it off with her for a while and stay out of contact from the net.. idk.. Im thinking about it .. because stuff just gets crazier and crazier.. .. bad Enough Kris is out there..

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Yeah.................. I'm going to do that.. Guys.. I have a new Da but I'll deal with it later. um. just talk to me on PMs.. Im making DA secretive.. for a while.. And about thallis.. I don't know what to do with this relationship anymore.. Maybe I should just take a break to let everything smooth out then come back to it later.. There is just way to much stuff going on.. But I guess thats life.. 'I have allot to think about.. I'm not going to do anything with Thall until I can clearly think this all through and figure out something because the way things are going.. there is nothing but drama.. I don't need that in my life right now nor does she..

Check the newest journal.. Im pretty fucking freaked out right now....


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On a lighter note Everything else except my health as usual is shit.. I am doing well though working my ass off and doing my best to support Melissa. I really wish Melissa was here.. Shes suffering so much and I suffer with out her.. Also.. I am not really RPing anymore.. At least for a while.. sorry if anyone wants to RP.. its going to have to be on one of those good days when im in the mood.. Try to get me into the mood.. REgen Pack members.. Just IM me.. I might be ok to RP just.. Not into it that much for a while.. Life stressers.. we all go though it meh =/

Dear Melissa.. I also want to tell you that no matter what happens I will always be by your side wether for good or bad.. better or worse.. I will stand by you in the moonlight or in hellfire's pathways.. I the coldest of nights or the hotest of days out in the desert. I shall be the water that will quench your thirst my little rose flower like a flower in the desert thirsting for rain.. I will be your cover shade and saftey.. And I will always clasp my tail and paw around your bodice, and protect you with my very life.. May my spirit be with you always and my heart beat with yours and one day we shall physicaly become whole.. that special day when we cuddle and even kiss and much much more.. The day we get to be one and do everything together.. I support you so much in your education and your future and just remember there is always options out there for you: I will never let you down nore leave you in the darkness; for I shall be the lamp and my oil shall never run out for God is with me and he shall be with you.. May God and his angels protect you; may the holy spirit bless you and May God's Son's blood rain over you and cloak you in his protectance.. I love you Melissa L. Bellantone..

Your love and only,
Erick J. Vasquez

so with that,,,, im writing this to let my friends know,, and anyone else who cares or whatever,, idk,,

,, it seems that my hope has been bashed to a tiny pebble.. I dont know what to do anymore .,,.. . I have to try and save 3oo dollars in order to see them,. three hundred dollars. ,... thats hard to do,..... again i have to take a risk and use my medical money,.... to Go and see her. .. so if something happens to me... Im going to be there alone,,.... I dont even have a place to stay. . . . Im having a hard time to even sit or stand up to write this,... because... my neck is stiff and im a great deal of pain its nearly making me cry... no matter what i do the doctors wont listen to me and im still trying to get medicaid or some form of insurance. . Hell I cant eat right and cant even . . . well theres a more personal reason im not going to say . . but what is worrying me is that . .

If I dont figure out what is wrong with me and get fixed up soon I am going to risk my life deeper, the brain stem controls heart and breathing functions,,,, I loose those. . . well its prety self explanitory. .. I dont want to die and Im praying to God that he has mercy on me.. because I need to be there i want to be there for my best friends and close friends and my mate and girlfriend.. .
]

Right now . .. My dreams seem mostly shattered . .. if there is any ray of hope for me please someone pray for me. .. . And someone pray for my girlfriend. . . my body is giving up on me,.... but my spirit is still willing....


I love you Melissa im so sorry,.... for being like this , ,, it hurts me that,, I feel as though ive failed you yet again,,,, I failed to come for summer and ive failed agtain,,, once again,,, I am sorry I failed you,,, ,sometimes i still wonder and it amazes me that you still have the patience to put up with me,,, to even wait for me,, ,I love you with all my heart,,, and I love you my friends,,, its just a shame that some friends I wanted to see,, I have not had that oppertunity to see them yet nor girlfriend,... I just hope i get to see you especialy you My dear love,,, before something happens to me,,, Im not hoping for the worst,,,, but ,, I do need to be prepaired,,,,

a hopeless man,,,, with dreams,,, shattered,,,


Brickstin